|Sam (merenwen) wrote,|
@ 2013-06-05 17:03:00
|Entry tags:||fic: harry potter, hp: severus snape, hp: sirius black|
Fic: Broken Toys
Title: Broken Toys
Pairing: Severus Snape/Sirius Black
Prompt: Prompt: They come to an arrangement during the war -- Sirius wants information on his brother, Snape wants Sirius to keep Lily safe.
Content Information/Warnings: 1090, no warnings really apply.
Summary: Severus has information and Sirius needs it and it is as simple as that. At least it is to begin with.
Author's Notes: The fic is more from the point of view of Sirius because I felt Severus' behaviour could be understood better when it was seen by another and his words came across better without his thoughts to explain them.
Severus has information and Sirius needs it and it is as simple as that. At least it is to begin with. It is common knowledge that Severus is a Death Eater and normally that would inspire fear in people but Sirius is young, arrogant, and still carries the memories of Hogwarts fresh in his mind. He thinks that he can handle it, all of it. Severus doesn't seem a threat and protecting Lily is something he would do anyway for James so it seems the perfect way to keep an eye on his brother.
People think he's heartless but he's not and because he's not it doesn't all stay nice and simple. Severus needs someone willing to lie with him so that he can feel something and Sirius doesn't care who he lies with because it has been so long since he has felt anything when it comes to sex. That is all people seem to think him good for these days, because he hasn't matured the way James has with a wife and a home and reasons to live. No, Sirius is still in his flat, getting up late, going to work only just on time and being an adult in a way that is fine but pales in comparison and takes him back to his mother's kitchens and the tirades. He's intelligent and could so be much more but people assume so much and he's long since given up on proving people wrong. He just lives now and his actions happen to prove a lot of people wrong along the way. Not his mother though, never her.
Severus isn't attractive to Sirius but sex is sex and he comes to enjoy it if only because Severus isn't trying to get anything from him other than the reassurance that he is still keeping Lily safe. He doesn't need to worry about Severus developing feelings Sirius is too emotionally broken to return after his childhood because it has only ever been about her. He thinks he is his safe and doesn't expect it to be him that starts to stumble and then fall and finally find himself actually giving a damn about more than if Regulus is hanging on but if Severus has been cursed since the last time they met too. Somewhere between sex and answers he starts to think of Severus as a human being.
Severus can snap at Sirius all he likes but he has grown up being snapped at and cursed and dodging flying objects so the words wash over him. What sticks in his mind is the way Severus doesn't always move properly and the times he refuses Sirius because of the pain. Excuses and taunts about his own capabilities always flow forward but Sirius knows better and his blood boils because he knows it wasn't his side that hurt him. It makes him think of his brother being tortured like Severus and then he pictures the Severus himself rolling around in agony and seethes more. Sirius has always been reckless and passionate and when he realises he wants to take Severus away from it all and leave Regulus to sort out his own mess he blames it on that. He doesn't understand how the other man is getting under his skin but he is and worst he doesn't even seem to be trying to.
He ends up offering him a way out after Regulus dies, panicking at the thought of him not knowing the Potion's Masters fate, and then discovers he's already taken one.
"So then you know the protections around Lily. What do you need me for?"
"So eager to get rid of me, Black?"
"Didn't say that now did I? Don't put words in my mouth," Sirius mutters, flopping down on his bed and staring up at Severus in mild fascination. Spy. He'd never have thought Severus brave enough for that but then he never thought he'd touch him with a Quidditch hoop either.
Severus looks as if he's going to say something sarcastic but then he bites it back, smirks and sits down on the bed, "I knew you wanted to know about your brother. No one else was going to tell you. I know there are other spies but they care about winning, not about people on his side."
He's right. There are a number of people that could have found out about Regulus but they wouldn't because they see the world in black and white and have decided Regulus has made his bed. Everyone thinks Sirius sees the world the same way but for Merlin's sake it is his little brother. He can't just turn off his emotions. The worlds roll around his head and he realises that there are too many things he has been getting wrong about Severus Snape all of these years.
"I've been so wrong about you. So very wrong." He doesn't say sorry because Sirius is far too proud for that and he doubts Severus would accept it anyway. "Being a spy is dangerous."
"Life is dangerous right now. Besides, someone has to do it and ..."
"And Lily is in danger?"
Severus sighs, nods, but then stares at Sirius until it starts to unnerve him before finally speaking. "I have more things I care about than I did back then when I joined him. More things to lose."
It is all Sirius is going to get from him and it does him just fine. Severus is asking for the end of the agreement and the beginning of something different and he isn't even asking. Sirius doesn't do emotional talks and closeness either so he doesn't bring up Lily and he doesn't compare because he can't and never will but that doesn't mean that he likes to be alone and others would ask so much more than he could ever give emotionally. Severus knows what he is, who he is, and what he is and isn't capable of. They want to be normal, be driven by the same sort of things that others are but actually having a chance of achieving it. Lily won't ever leave James and Regulus was doomed from the start. They know that. They are like two broken toys that want to share a shelf so they can convince themselves they are still like the ones that work.
"No one can know. It would be too dangerous and..."
And he couldn't cope, couldn't begin to explain, doesn't want to try and work it out in his own mind anyway.
Severus merely raises an eyebrow, mutters "Agreed."