|Sam (merenwen) wrote,|
@ 2011-09-05 13:33:00
Into the Future With Eyes of Fear
Title:Into the Future With Eyes of Fear
Pairing:Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger
Disclaimer:This is all lies, fiction and no profit made. I own nothing.
Prompt: 22 Denial
A/N:written for a prompt table.
Summery: Even if he knows that it is true, Draco can't admit to loving her. First it was about survival, then it was about fear.
Before, it had been about safety.
After, it had been about fear.
The fact that he loved Hermione Granger stayed the same. It just never stopped being secret. For most of the war it was a secret, even to Draco himself, a fact he just couldn’t face up to and accept because of the consequences it entailed. Draco was a pureblood wizard and Hermione was a muggle-born witch. Being with her, sleeping with her, could perhaps be put down to hormones, desperate times and experimentation if he was found out but loving her was something else. Loving her was betraying what his family stood for, lowering himself in their eyes, turning his back on everything he had been raised to believe. If the Dark Lord had ever been privy to such knowledge then Draco has no doubts that he would have been killed, probably by his own aunt and in front of his mother. It wouldn’t have been quick.
Hermione had offered him the safety of the Order but it was common knowledge that it hardly existed by the time the Dark Lord was truly in power and their secret meetings became less frequent and the look in Hermione’s eyes more desperate. Sixth year had been a strange year at Hogwarts for Draco. He had to work with Hermione and not against her and it had shown him that she was capable and a strong young woman. Pressure had forced him to look at his life and really evaluate where it was going.
Draco hadn’t liked what he saw.
His jibes towards Hermione had slowly lost their edge until he was actually having civil conversations with her relating to Prefect business and things progressed from there. He had fallen in love with her and it was as simple as that. Draco loved her from before his lips touched hers and had never once known what to do about it. His life was pre-arranged and this wasn’t part of it. If anyone had found out he would have been killed whether he had successfully killed Albus Dumbledore or not and his parents would have been killed along with him, Draco had no doubts about that. It simply wasn’t worth the risk to tell her, to allow her to feel things for him or any sense of hope that there was a future, because he was a Death Eater and she was a muggle-born and so whichever side won the war there was always going to be one of them that lost everything.
He should never have seen her in what should have been their seventh year at Hogwarts together. It was foolish and put so much at risk but somehow he wasn’t able to stay away and neither was she. Whatever information he had that might have helped her he felt compelled to pass on and somehow he managed to believe her when she insisted the end was coming.
Of course she finds him after the final battle, a hand reaching out from a dusty rubble filled corner and pulling him down a corridor and into side room. When the door shuts he finds his arms full of her, the smell so familiar even with Hermione’s clothes being covered in dust and the stench of death heavy all around them. Draco’s mouth finds hers and he feels her knees weaken at the contact, somehow the embrace finally allowing them to both realise that they are safe and that they survived.
Hermione pulls away from him and stares up at him, as if memorising the contours of his face, before smiling shyly. She talks and he listens without really taking it all in, sitting side by side on an old desk as he desperately tries to work things out in his own head. How had things changed so much?
“ Will you come and stand with me?” Hermione mutters quietly with a hopefully glance at the door.
The door that barricades them in and away from Potter and Weasley and Longbottom and everyone else that will say this is wrong, that Draco is a Death Eater and that he should be arrested not accepted into their midst. He’s hardly said a thing the whole time they have been in the room and his tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth when he tries. Go and stand with her, and be with her, and have the world’s eyes on him for loving her. If he can’t even tell her, how can he stand before the world? His parents are so lucky to have survived the war, and without serious injury too, and already Draco can hear the accusations that he has bewitched Hermione or brainwashed her in some way.
He simply has too much to lose.
Frozen, his eyes probably give him away but they don’t stop him sliding from the desk without a word and returning to the hall to fetch his parents. He would regret it, of course he would, but Draco wasn’t the same person he was before. Now he was an emotional wreck from the war and he didn’t trust people the same way anymore, lived in constant and real fear of losing his family and his life. At the end of the day what he thought she didn’t know she just wasn’t able to hurt him with.